As a manager, I am not part of the workers' clan, and what I know about their personal lives does not matter a whit. "Consensus" is a nice concept, and usually a waste of time. Gaining consensus among two people is quite often more challenge than we can take (look at the divorce rate).
As a worker, I've had many managers who were great, and many more who didn't have a clue. I NEVER wanted the clueless to have a clue about my personal affairs.
So I take the road that forgoes the nicey-nicey, let's play footsie together stuff.
I'm here to do a job, as are they. I expect them to perform at their highest level. When they do not, then it's time for a chat. Find out what's going on. Try to address the situation and formulate a reparations plan.