The ABC's of Successful Conflict Resolution
Conflict in the workplace can be one of the hardest things to manage. Here are some easy to implement solutions..
Admit there's a problem
Solutions aren't possible until you admit there's a problem. When tension
surface and problems mount, simply stop and admit there's a problem. Say to
yourself and others, 'I need help. Or 'We have a problem'. Acknowledge
problems.
Believe more is possible
We don't tackle conflicts because we think 'Nothing is going to change." '
Why bother?" Believing more is possible is the beginning of rebuilding
positive working relationship. Envision that's possible. Believe there's a
better way.
Commit to change
Make a decision to address the situation - and stick to it. Do what is
necessary to move towards a positive solution. Be willing to ride the waves
of discomfort in exchange for positive relationships and results. "Remember
it's worth it."
Discover your part
It's time to do some soul searching. Recognize ways you have contributed to
the problem. Ask yourself' "How am I contributing to this dynamic?" What do
I need to say or do to contribute to a solution? " Ask; "What's my part?"
Engage others
Reach out and engage others in finding a better solution. Initiate a
conversation with the person(s) directly. Be the first go to the other and
express your desire to find a better way. Initiate a conversation.
Find common ground
Start by discovering what you both want. Take time to explore the benefit of
working together. Ask yourselves what could be done easier, faster and with
more fun if you had less tension and better collaboration. Discover shared
goals.
Give benefit of doubt
Be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Communicate your
assumption of positive intentions. Say I know you care deeply about this
organization, team or project. I believe you want this to work better for
both of us. Assume good intentions.
Have compassion
Appreciate the humanness and vulnerability that underlies all negative
behavior. Have compassion for yourself and others as you dig into problem
areas. Recognize we are all human. Appreciate vulnerabilities.
Initiate new behavior
To improve the situation, you may need to learn a new skill. You might want
to get better at listening, setting clear boundaries, or communicating your
views without blame. Be willing to learn a new skill to enhance your
effectiveness. Be open to learning.
Just get started
Don't wait for the perfect moment to tackle a problem. Put together a simple
plan together and get started. Nothing positive happens if you stand on the
sidelines and ponder what to do. Take a risk.
Keep considering options
When conflict starts, we tend to close down and limit our options. We think
there's only one solution. Get creative and open up to new possibilities and
solutions. Find at least give good options before settling on one. Explore
new ideas.
Listen to different perspective
Keep listening to the other person's point of view. Don't shut down or let
the conversation become one-sided. Share your views and stay open to other's
views. Taking turns and rephrasing what you hear. Keep listening.
Mend broken fences
Recognize when there's a breach in the relationship. Take time to
acknowledge and repair damaged relationships. Reach out. Apologize. Admit
mistakes. Seek solutions. Make time to heal rifts. Fix what's broken.
Negotiate best solution
Don't settle for less. Keep exploring options. Keep talking about what's
important to you. Keep advocating what's best for the whole. Keep looking
for workable ideas. Try them out and change if they don't work. Test out
solutions.
Open Up
It's risky to say to a boss or colleague; "This isn't working." Share your
perspectives and views. Open up and talk about what's not working and what
could be better. Take the chance. Say what's bothering you.
Practice makes perfect
Don't expect a turnaround to happen over night. It takes time and patience
to transform a negative situation into a positive one. We rebuild trust and
reopen channels of communication one step at a time. Practice new behavior.
Quit blaming others
Blame is destructive. It doesn't solve anything. If you want to point out
blame, remember four fingers are pointing at you. Replace blame with
appreciation. Ask yourself; "What do I appreciate about this person? Express
appreciation.
Revisit the past
We want to skip right to solutions - but it's essential to revisit the past.
Take time to go back and review what didn't go right. Talk about the events
that took place, share your views and perspectives about what took place.
Acknowledge the past.
Share feelings
Conflicts arise when we feel discounted by someone else. Recognize your
feeling and share them. Go beyond the feelings of anger and frustration and
discover the deeper feelings of hurt and helplessness. Say how you feel.
Try a new approach
If you like to talk - listen. If you like to listen - talk. We are always
better at either talking or listening. Yet both are required to resolve
conflicts. Recognize which one you do most often and ramp up the other.
Strike a balance.
Understand big picture
See the big picture. Let go of navel gazing and look up and see the bigger
picture. Consider the needs of the larger group or organization. Get out of
the muck and get perspective by taking a broader view. Look up and out.
Voice your opinions
Don't duck and dodge. Express your point of view. Have opinions and
perspectives and share them. Avoid the tendencies think that what you have
to say is irrelevant, obvious or unimportant. Express your views.
Watch your attitude
Manage your attitude. Beware when you're giving up, giving in, feeling sorry
for yourself, blaming others or feeling helpless. Notice these reactions and
move past them. Be responsible for attitude.
Xcel at letting go
Once you've addressed the issue and agreed upon solutions - let go and move
on. Avoid the tendency to revisit past grievances and renew your angst about
what happened. Be willing to forgive and forget. Forgive and move on.
Yield to the greater good
You won't always get what you want. Be willing to compromise your personal
agenda for the greater good. A willing spirit who wants to make things right
- goes a long way towards solutions. Do what's best for the whole.
Zap problems early
Anger and resentment are contagious. Don't let problems and frustrations
linger. Recognize tension early on and address them. Don't assume things
will get better. Acknowledge problems and bring them to other's attention.
Nip problems in the bud.
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